Letting Go

If you are depressed, you are living in the Past. If you are anxious, living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the moment. - Lao Tzu

So far this has not exactly been a travel blog, that is about to change.

Which is just as well as I'm running late. Well, I would be if I had a schedule, or even a plan.

Some vague 'plans' that I had (more like ideas, see below) may have to change due to the weather being different or the campsites for tourists closing at the end of the season. Or maybe some ferries have stopped for the stormy Mediterranean autumn. It doesn't really matter. I'm still going travelling, I will still go on my own way, seeing all I want to and staying in a place as long as it feels apt. Meeting strangers as friends along the way and drinking in life as I go.

You see, I'm already on a kind of journey, part of this journey involves changing the way that I perceive the external circumstances of life and dealing with the rough times in a way to sidestep the negativity that arises. Travelling is great for this as the highs and lows come frequently, seemingly arriving as waves upon a beach and ever so vivid. Basically I expect to be tested.

I didn't quite expect to be tested quite so soon, especially before leaving the country. As I have said not-so eloquently to some; The Plan is there is no plan. The organisation is in that there is none. Except there is. I aimed to be prepared. Preparation>Plans by a thousandfold. Plans fall apart at the slightest disruption. Preparation allows for countless possibilities and so makes for flexibility.

 Problem 1. Physical preparation: Sprained ankle badly on second run in London, followed by re-spraining the same ankle on a rabbit hole hidden in some grass eight days later. Basically I've done very little exercise in the last three weeks.

Problem 2. Financial preparation: I was all set to sell my car to a private buyer and get a decent sum of money as a return for all of the time and money spent keeping the car in an excellent condition. It was going well albeit slowly until this happened last Saturday night:

Obviously someone doesn't like nice shiny cars parked in their neighbourhood.

So bit the bullet and started looking for dealers to sell the car quickly to before somebody broke the windows, slashed the tyres and poured paint stripper over the bonnet.  Eventually I found a couple of VW dealers who were prepared to look at the car and I wasn't surprised when they offered me thousands below my asking price. So I later that day I sold her to an independent car trader for a little more than VW were offering but still over a thousand less than my asking price. 

All of this has the potential for causing a lot of resentment and bitterness that I'd carry with me on my travels. Part of the purpose my journey is to leave a lot of the emotional and behavioural baggage behind somewhere on the way. The negative thought and behaviour patterns learned long ago that are very familiar to some. The feelings of bitterness and resentment from the last year of work and the end of my teaching career. The fear of loss, both of material things and of love. The anger at the unknown car scratcher and the money-grabbing car dealer for giving me such a raw deal. The melancholy that comes from change. The worry of the future.

It all needs to be let go, that is the ultimate preparation.
That's why I'm on this journey; to let go.
To lose myself, not to find myself.*
John gets lost.

Departure date set: Wednesday 30th October I fly to Crete

*I'm too old for that.